If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
