Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You made out with two different species that night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
