I think I won the penis lottery.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
