your parents love me but you hate me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Randomize
