Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
