I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
