bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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