butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
