My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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