saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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