im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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