i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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