she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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