Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize