I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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