she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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