So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
