He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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