You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
