I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
