who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
