dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Randomize
