I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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