What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
