Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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