Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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