i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
