Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
