The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
