my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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