I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
