i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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