That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize