before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
