I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
