Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
