I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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