In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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