my sisters under your porch take her home
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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