Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
