Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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