he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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