the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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