So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
