sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
