Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
