If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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