the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
