You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
