Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
