She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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