$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
