Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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