you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
