Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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