you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
