Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
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It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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