She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
