Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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