Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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