Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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