Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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