Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my sisters under your porch take her home
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
