Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
