How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
