Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
