shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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