I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
