Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
