i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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