Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
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Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
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There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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