At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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