Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
