And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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