I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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