this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
